Today as I made a long overdue trip to pick up the last remnants of an old life, I finally got to close that chapter. This time, I'm not looking back.
But having to move on has also meant throwing myself full force into a life entirely of my own making. It's been a successful productive 6 months as a result, but that success also has a price. My renewed vigor and energy had meant that if I am honest with myself, I am juggling about 5 too many things right now. Now that I survived - thriving had become a bit of a headache. I was so happy to be alive, I went too far in the other direction. Now there's too much stress, too much work and if I'm honest with myself I'm no longer enjoying it but just getting through it.
My have to dos (within the next month - 6 weeks) currently include finish writing dissertation, revise Diss chapters, finalize and turn in final manuscript of LA VERDAD (my edited volume on hip hop), meet with artists about my poetry book cover and get that done, follow up with items from job search, attend MLA, follow up with poets from anthology I'm editing, finish special journal issue I'm editing... Then there's things I try to do but never get to as much as I'd like: write creatively, get to the gym, improve my yoga, do something nice for the people I love, be involved in my communities...
Yes, it's too much... It's a bit extreme. But I've committed myself so all I can do is get through it, learn from it and try to do better job at the life / work balance next time.
So because us Latina ladies trying to do it all (whatever all is) need to remember to care for ourselves too, I have a different to do list today.
Today my to do list is full 11-8 pm and it says
- take care of Meli
- pamper Meli
- feel pretty Meli
- relax Meli
- feed Meli
Because despite what we tell ourselves - one day off (and by that I DO NOT meana guilt ridden day of Netflix binge watching in which I sit with our computers open pretending I'll start working after the next episode) will not destroy the list. Turning in something tomorrow (or even the next day) instead of pulling an all nighter should not be a question. (Yes I actually stopped myself from doing that last night- it'll get there Wednesday).
So I'll see you all tomorrow ... Right now I'm still unwinding from my Spa day...